One of the things I insist on a lot in my multi-cultural_training in companies (yes, I do that too from time to time) is the different way of saying things, and especially of criticising or complimenting, on both sides of the Mediterranean and the Atlantic.
Because if many people have in mind the negotiation, and the hours sometimes spent discussing a price, the reality of our mutual misunderstandings is much wider, and for those who want to work or do business here, it is necessary to understand this. Gradually, with experience, I began to identify sources of misunderstanding.
In Morocco, we never say no
Like in the whole of the Maghreb, and I think most of the Muslim world, people don’t say no. They just say a little less yes. Afterwards, the Westerner used to a frank and firm no, will believe that he has been betrayed or that “these people are not reliable”. In fact, thеrе аrе mаnу projects, people sometimes talk just to get to know each other, they also make proposals to test your motivation.
If your interlocutor, when you ask him how he is going to do such and such a thing, says “Inch’Allah” at every turn of the phrase, there are two possibilities: he is very pious, or he thinks “but He really has to want it, because I am not going to do anything”.
So we don’t say no, and in the same way, people do not criticise. There is always a compliment to be paid, even on the most insignificant of things. One of the usual words is “beautiful”, and I remember a young girl telling me that "Ouarzazate was magnificent". A little surprised – those who know the city will understand – I end up making her tell me what she found so mаgnіfісеnt there: “it’s very clean”.
Compliments are made in a flowery way, even in French the influence of Arabic is obvious, but these hyperboles should be taken just for what they are: a simple code of courtesy.
A good way to get across a criticism is to back up the compliment beyond reason.
I remember a meeting with a partner, whom his colleague had tried to double-cross, and the partner knew about it. He spent the whole meeting complimenting – let’s call him Youssef,
Youssef has been with us for so long, he knows everything, he is perfect, we trust him completely, don’t we trust you Youssef, ah yes you can trust him, Youssef if you want you can handle the file by yourself…
In short, I didn’t understand much, I would have taken Youssef between the eyes to give him a dressing-down, but no, he understood, it was more efficient that way.
Time management is not the same
Truism. But that just means that you don’t have to plan your schedule far in advance.
Looking to see someone? If they really want to see you, they’ll change their schedule and move another appointment that was scheduled a little earlier. This game of teasing is a bit exasperating at first, but you get used to it.
On the other hand, you gain more freedom to organise yourself. The unexpected is a normal, socially accepted thing. Trying to control it at all costs is incomprehensible.
In the same way, if you have planned ѕоmеthіng, ordered a service or a product, you should always call back a few days before. This is a good indication to your supplier of your motivation, of your desire to have the thing delivered on time.
If you are a supplier, if you are not called back… ask yourself if the “yes” was a real “yes”, ask yourself if the person will pay you. More than anywhere else, it is normal to check that nothing has changed between taking the order and fulfilling the contract.
Behavioural codes are different
A Westerner will tend to want to look the other person in the eye. This is disrespectful. Here, you lower your eyes in front of the person you respect, including your boss, especially when he has a reproach to make.
Anyone who is used to feedback will look for the eyes of his colleague and, in the event of a reprimand, will expect something like “Yes, there was a mistake, and this is what I intend to do to prevent it from happening again”.
At best, he will be frustrated, feel that he is not being considered, that he has whistled in a jug, at worst he will insist, seek the expected feedback, and will put the other person completely in the driver’s seat by “going too hard”.
The handshake is not the same, especially for women who are content, when they do one, to leave an inert palm lying around… and who must be suffering from our ability to crush our fingers in our thirst for a “vigorous handshake”.
Of course, male-female relations are not quite the same, nor are relations between people of the same sex, or, by way of compensation, a much greater physical intimacy is usual, which with us would be very equivocal is commonplace between Moroccan friends. But this is less true in the business world. In the private circle, at least in ‘my’ South, people still greet each other by kissing hands several times, in turn, and ending by touching their hearts.
Respect and its little sister solemnity
Respect is undoubtedly one of the funԁаmеntаl components of Moroccan culture, sometimes to the point of suffocation for some. Respect for elders, respect for parents, respect for those who know, respect for the host…
Because you respect someone you don’t do something in front of them, like smoking. For example, my husband does not smoke in front of his elder brother, who is a smoker himself. There is no hypocrisy, but a respect that prevents him from doing that in his presence – and vice versa, which results in a complex planning of the occupation of the terrace, each being careful not to climb up there when the other is there.
This respect will be shown at all times, and especially if you have a bad idea, your Moroccan interlocutor will not explain your mistake. First of all, because you never say no, but also because he respects you enough to think that you might be right in the end (or else, but that’s a different matter, he’s laughing at the idea of what’s going to happen… How Westerners amuse Moroccans is another post).
It is also evident in the way he writes and communicates, with seriousness and solemnity. It is enough to listen to 2M, and to the interviews of Moroccans, in the news, or in programmes like Medina or Toubkal. Here again, the influence of Arabic expression, of deep thanks, and of an affectivity that may seem exaggerated to us when it is only a different style from ours. On the other hand, shifts from Arabic to French may seem like brutal orders. Arabic does not know the conditional, the expression of politeness is done differently…
Know at least a little about Islam, and how it influences everyday life
Many of these differences in behaviour come directly from Islam, and it is necessary to understand it at least a little in order not to feel lost in Morocco. For it influences the everyday life of everyone, even those who no longer consider themselves believers, in the small things, in the superstitions, in the culture, in the subconscious.
One of the most striking examples, for me, is “intention“. In Islam, what matters most is your intention, a bad intention will ruin prayer or pilgrimage, a good intention will save you. We are much more marked by the rule “you judge the tree by its fruits”, and its corollary “hell is paved with good intentions”.
In practice, this means that if someone makes a mistake, with the intention of doing the right thing, they are less guilty than if they simply weren’t paying attention… or on the contrary, had the intention of harming you. This is something you need to bear in mind when giving feedback, but it will also serve you well, as Moroccans are often very forgiving of our cultural blunders, and know that we do not intend to be mean.
In the opposite direction, “you” Moroccans, if you work with Westerners
You should know that we are certainly in a hurry and impatient, but that this is how we organise our work and that this is our way of producing a lot.
We like people who take the initiative, but the right ones, we don’t like to explain in detail to someone what they have to do, and when we say something once (ok, twice), that’s enough for us, they shouldn’t need to repeat it.
And above all that we behave in a much more direct and abrupt way than you do. That our criticisms are mеаnt to improve, not to humiliate, not to be racist. That we can criticise a behaviour, a lack of know-how or an action without rejecting the person.
From the German who never pays a compliment, because it is normal for things to go well, to the dithyrambical American who will always find something positive to say, thе rаngе іѕ wіԁе, but we will always be more direct than you. (With the exception, I believe, of the Dutch, who can’t say no either, but don’t think less of it and don’t give second chances).
We don’t believe in perfection, but saying what’s wrong is a way of being helpful, not an insult, or contempt.
We have our taboos and clichés like you, but not the same ones. We are, like you, convinced of the excellence of our way of life, and a little bit-lots of chauvinism. And if we love Morocco, we also love our way of life. Neither is better than the other….
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